How Can I Help Him ?
Question:
I'm in a confusing situation. One
of my close guy friends from school wants to become more than just
friends. I think he's really a nice guy, but he's messed up and lost.
He's from a broken family and is involved with gangs and drugs. I'm a
Christian, and as his friend, I feel compelled to try to help him, but I
don't want to send the wrong message. I already have a boyfriend and
I'm just not interested in going out with someone else. What should I
do?
Answer:
It is a ticklish situation. You
don't want to send the message that he's "not good enough for you," yet
you're right to be wary of encouraging his romantic interest. As much as
you want to help him, you won't accomplish anything if you're building
on a misunderstanding. If he's trying to make you his girlfriend and
thinks you're interested when you're not, disappointment is almost sure
to result.
So you need to be very up front with him. Tell him you
have a boyfriend, and you're not interested in that kind of
relationship with him. But let him know how much you value his
friendship. His involvement in gangs leads me to think he longs to feel
loved and accepted by others. By showing him a more positive kind of
acceptance, you are offering him an alternative to a dangerous
lifestyle.
You're a good friend for wanting to help, and I think
you can, but not alone. You need to identify some other
Christians—especially guys—who can befriend him.
I hope you're part of a Christian club or youth group
where he could feel comfortable. You can get him into that fellowship,
make sure he's welcomed, and then let him develop new friendships
naturally. Invite him to a couple of events—even if you have to invent
them yourself. You can always invite him to join you and some friends
for pizza and a movie.
Continue to encourage him to be friends not only with
you, but with other people in your group. You won't accomplish much by
trying to be his only lifeline. He needs the support and encouragement
of a strong group of Christian friends.